Why do we keep getting louder in anger?
Why do couples try to solve problems when they are angry? I just don’t get it. I was coming home the other night and on my way to the car I passed an angry couple who were arguing about something. Both of them were absolutely adamant that their point was correct, and their voices kept getting louder and louder. Sound familiar? It does to me.
Why do we do that? Why do we keep getting louder when we are arguing? Is it because we are hoping that if we get to a certain volume that our partner will say, “Ah. Finally! I was having a hard time hearing you. Thanks for speaking up”?
Here is the problem. If you have read any of my books, articles, or been to some of my presentations, you will know that there are 2 parts of the brain that help us deal with daily life. The emotional part and the thinking part. The problem comes when we are discussing when we become emotional. You need to understand that that when the emotional part of the brain gets activated, the thinking part stops working. It is physically impossible for your brain to be emotional and logical at the same time.
So when you are emotional, in effect you are brain dead. Easy solution: bring down the emotion and the smart part of your brain becomes active again. For men, you need to take at least 30 minutes to calm yourself down. Women, 20 minutes. Not because you are better, you are just wired differently. volume pills
Seth Godin is a marketing guru and he made a comment lately that totally applies for this type of situation. He said that when you are trying to get a message across, you don’t need a bullhorn. You just need someone to listen. So stop trying to use a bullhorn because both of you are brain-dead. Wait until someone is actually listening to try to get your point across.
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